


innocent

by diphylleiia



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 11:26:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diphylleiia/pseuds/diphylleiia
Summary: "jisung, i need to tell you something,"in which chenle and jisung have been friends for an eon, but chenle craves a connection deeper than their strawberry ice cream dates and disney sleepovers.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

31.10.14  
— dear diary,

i think i like jisung. i like him a lot. being around him makes me anxious, but at the same time i want to be around him all the time. he makes me feel safe, and protected, but at the same time my stomach twists whenever i hug him or touch him, and the mix of feelings makes my anxiety worse, and i'm a mess around him. it's horrible and i wish i hadn't fallen for him.

his smile lights up seoul, and his laugh sounds like a fairy's and he's so sweet, kind, caring and funny. he's so cute, it makes me want to fluff his hair and... wrap him up in a blanket and feed him mochi, and give him kisses and hold his hand! he's beautiful, and funny and caring, he's the best friend i could ask for. i feel like he's a gift from god, just for me. he's an angel. only an angel would have that smile.

he knows about my anxiety, and he helps me through it. i remember, a few days after i told him, i was on his phone and found him googling anxiety tips to help me. when i found that, i was so happy, because nobody has ever done that for me, and it made me feel like he really cares. that alone shows he's a really good friend, right?

it's so frustrating, especially when he's so close to me all the time and does things in a friendly way, and i have to hide my emotions so i don't ruin our friendship. nobody knows. i don't want them to know, and everything fall apart. but it's getting so hard to keep hiding it. i feel as though i may say something soon. he never shuts his curtains. he lives across from me, and i see him on his xbox until 2am. i also see him being all cute and giggly by himself. i swear, i'm not a stalker - it's just really hard to not look, when he's so cute.

i will have to say something soon, i know i will. he's going to catch me staring, or blushing, and it'll be a mess. either that, or i can keep it inside of me forever and not risk ruining our friendship. i've known him since i was a baby and couldn't imagine my life without him. that's why it's so scary to tell him, or think about telling him, in case it goes wrong and i lose him. but every thought of him makes my love for him grow.

— chenle


	2. Chapter 2

'chenle!' jisung waved, running to chenle from across the road. he'd appeared out of the shop across the road, right as chenle was about to call him, stood outside the school gates. jisung had strawberry milk in his hand. he took chenle's arm as he neared, beginning to lead him down the road, through other rowdy students on their way home too. 'sorry i was late. you were taking forever and i wanted strawberry milk,' he began humming a tune.

'it's okay,' chenle muttered, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves.

'shall we go to the park to celebrate the end of school?'

'sure,' chenle replied softly, not attempting to make any further conversation, his anxiety bubbling away in his stomach. jisung's hand wrapped around his arm sent sparks up his body, making his legs feel wobbly. he had to concentrate on what he was going to say, and not falling over, or having a panic attack.

'what's wrong, lele?' chenle's cheeks heated up at the nickname, feeling jisung's grip on him loosen as they stopped, just by the gates of the small park. he looked at him with concern. chenle felt the need to assure him that he was ok. he couldn't stand the look of worry on jisung's face.

'nothing. i'm just tired,'

'oh,' jisung smiled widely, trying to show chenle it was okay. however chenle could see the disappointment that was laced just behind jisung's smile. chenle hated it. 'would you rather we go home?'

chenle wasn't tired. he'd just promised himself that he would tell jisung today. if it went well, they could spend the holidays together as usual.

if it didn't... chenle could hide for the duration of the holidays.

'no, let's go,' he pointed to the park.

'lele, are yo - ' chenle shoved jisung through the gates of the park, ignored his protests.

one of the things chenle loved most about jisung was his overwhelming childishness. strawberry milk, play parks, teddy bears, jisung wanted - and had - it all. he was giggly and cuddly. what made jisung more... loveable, was that his appearance, and his height, made him seem almost threatening from afar, and when people saw the two together they'd assume jisung was older, until they got to know him. some people thought jisung was strange, or ugly. chenle thought he was the most beautiful person to ever exist.

he dyed his hair often. for now, it was fading blue-blond, falling across his forehead until he ran his hands through it nervously or the wind blew it into his eyes. dying his hair often caused him to get into trouble from the senior teachers, but they soon softened after he smiled and laughed at them.

jisung had stopped protesting and was skipping to the swings toward the centre of the park, which were currently occupied by two small children. chenle hurried behind him, taking his elbow when they arrived at the gate.

he couldn't let this chance go.

'jisung!' jisung ignored him, charging towards the swings. the children spotted him, and glanced nervously at each other before kicking their feet to slow down the swings. jisung stopped a few metres away, grinning as the children stumbled away from the swings.

chenle looked on in a sort-of horror.

'jisung,' he whispered, 'you can't scare children into getting off the swings,'

'i didn't do anything, technically, it was their choice,' he laughed, covering his mouth before throwing his bag onto the floor and jumping onto the swing. chenle huffed, following him and taking the other swing after silently apologising to the children.

'jisung, before you start,' chenle interrupted before jisung could start swinging, 'i really need to tell you something,'

his stomach twisted. he began to sweat.

'what, hyung?'

'uh...'

'do you want to get ice cream later?' jisung tilted his head. chenle gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the building irritation at jisung's... hyper-activity. he managed to brush it off, though, looking at the younger's pleading eyes. 'come on, hyung, tell me,'

'jisung, i... really...really...' chenle took a deep breath:

'i think i love you,'


	3. Chapter 3

'i think i love you,'

chenle felt as though everything stopped moving. no sound was made, not even the squeak of the swings. suddenly, the children couldn't be heard. no wind blew the grass underneath them, no blossoms fell from the trees. even the constant sound of traffic had stopped. chenle could only hear his heart beating rapidly. he began to shake at hearing jisung inhale.

'oh, hyung,'

chenle felt tears spring to his eyes. all of the emotions from the past six years surrounding his best friend finally bubbling over. 

he kept his eyes trained on the ground, his nails digging into his palms. he heard the swings squeak, and in the corner of his eye, he saw jisung's shoes shuffle, and then disappear. he could hear the rustle of clothing.

suddenly, jisung's arms wrapped around chenle's waist. chenle's tears began to drip more, and he took a shuddery breath.

'i'm s-sorry,'

jisung said nothing.

'i'm so, so sorry,'

chenle hung his head, his cheeks flushing more. his heart was beating rapidly. his vision was blurry, but he felt jisung put his hands into his, intertwining them, so chenle couldn't dig his nails into his palms anymore. his chest felt tight.

'i - i can't, i can't - ' chenle tried, but jisung hushed him. his breaths began to rack his body, loud sobs echoing through the deserted park. he flinched as jisung put his head on chenle's shoulder to whisper in his ear. as jisung exhaled, his breath hit chenle's neck, making him shudder more, yet calming him down, knowing jisung was there. it seemed to confirm that he was alive, and breathing.

'i love you too, hyung,' he whispered. chenle, too shocked to reply, felt jisung move away as he shuffled to face him. he tilted chenle's chin up, wiping away his tears with one thumb, 'how long have you wanted to say that?'

's-since elementary,' chenle stuttered, and jisung smiled weakly. chenle couldn't meet his eyes, choosing to focus on his lips.

jisung nodded. 'stop crying, chenle, it's okay,' jisung whispered, 'it's okay,'

chenle wiped away his tears, his cheeks heating up from embarrassment of breaking down in front of jisung.

'i- i can't believe i said that,' he whispered, 'i've been holding it in for so long,'

'oh, hyung,' jisung replied softly, taking chenle's hands and pulling him from the swing, dusting him off and grabbing his bag for him. 'do you need a drink?' chenle shook his head.

'are you ready to leave?' chenle took a shuddery breath before nodding. 'let's have some ice cream,'

how could jisung move on, onto something else, so easily? chenle wondered as jisung pulled him by his hand, away from the play park. he thought nothing of it, wrapped in his own thoughts. they held hands all the time. nothing was different. jisung was humming under his breath, occasionally squeezing chenle's hand to bring him back to reality.

chenle's eyes stung from crying, and his chest ached. he hated how he broke apart in front of jisung, how he had to tell jisung in such an emotional way. he hated how weak he had sounded.


	4. Chapter 4

as they neared the ice cream parlour, chenle's anxiety had settled more. he was able to breath normally, able to think clearly. he felt the weight lifted off of his shoulders. he was still scared, of course, but jisung had handled the situation seemingly well. but it was jisung. he had a good poker face.

jisung's hair bounced when he walked, whipping around his face in the soft breeze. the sun bounced off of his honey skin, making his hair look like a halo and his brown eyes light up.

they entered the parlour, being hit with a blast of cool hair. jisung narrowed his eyes, excitedly pulling chenle towards the many flavours of ice cream. he muttered a few flavours under his breath, before he pointed at one and looked expectantly at the cashier, who blinked before a smile grew on his face. even the cashier softened at jisung's childish aura.

'mint, please!' jisung smiled at the cashier, who nodded enthusiastically.

'b-but you don't like mint,' chenle mumbled, his eyes still on his and jisung's interlinked hands.

'you're all hot and flustered. it'll cool you down. don't worry; you'll get chocolate too,' he looked up at the cashier once more, who placed a scoop of chocolate beside the green ice cream.

'thankyou,' chenle bowed at the cashier as jisung reached for the ice cream, before giving it to chenle, who blushed, his hands suddenly feeling sweaty.

jisung paid, not letting go of chenle's hand until they sat down outside. chenle thanked him, taking his bag from the younger and sliding into a seat opposite him.

'it's okay. now,' jisung paused, 'what happened back there?'

'i love you,' chenle bluntly replied, licking his ice cream as it began to drip in the spring heat. jisung had gotten strawberry.

'i already knew that,'

chenle's eyes widened. did jisung only think of it in a platonic way? would chenle have to explain that he was gay? would chenle have to explain that all the times him and jisung had shared a bed -

'i read your diary when you left it at mine,' jisung paused, licking his ice cream to hide the growing smirk at chenle's shocked face. 

'you what?' suddenly chenle forgot his worries from a few seconds ago. jisung just chuckled nervously. chenle's anger evaporated at his smile.

'it's not like you're not obvious anyway,'

'shut up,' chenle jokingly spat.

'has telling me made you feel any better?' jisung asked, stretching across the table to reach chenle's hand. chenle stayed quiet.

'slightly,'

'i'd hug you, but i don't want ice cream in my hair,'

'ouch,' chenle murmured, focusing back on his ice cream. you still haven't told me what you think.

'i don't mind, chenle. technically nothing has changed. i already knew you loved me. please, don't act different,' jisung seemed to read his mind.

'i'm not. you're the one acting different,' chenle inhaled shakily.

'okay,' jisung raised an eyebrow. there was a silence. chenle suddenly felt tired. 'do you want to go back to the park after?'

'i don't think i can step foot in that park again,'

jisung laughed. chenle's heart warmed.

'i'm tired,' chenle muttered, and jisung squeezed his hand.

'just an hour or so, then we can go back to mine. my mum is ordering tonight, you can sleep over,'


	5. Chapter 5

they did go back to the park. and like jisung had expected, chenle fell asleep with his head resting on the chain of a swing. when chenle said he was tired, he usually meant it, falling asleep within a few hours.

jisung came to a stop, his feet skimming the sand. he jumped up, shaking chenle gently. chenle moaned, opening his eyes blearily. jisung blinked momentarily at the noise, his cheeks burning.

'hyung, i'll carry you,' jisung guestured to his back, and chenle nodded, holding his arms up like a small child. jisung pulled him onto his back, adjusting him and holding his legs to keep him up. chenle put his head on jisung's shoulder.

then jisung carried him back to his house. he was deep in thought, chenle's breaths hitting his neck. he thought about chenle's confession - if you could call it that - and what he should do.

that was it. tonight, he would tell chenle his own feelings. he couldn't stand it anymore, and now he knew chenle loved him he felt safe enough to confess.

safe. that's how he always felt with chenle, even at times like now when he was carrying the older. chenle was warm and huggable, with a contagious laugh and smile and his lips - jisung desperately wanted to kiss chenle's lips - and even the way he spoke, it all made jisung feel at home, safe. he felt like he was clutching at straws so fragile they'd break if held wrong, whenever he was with chenle.

he knew if chenle didn't love him back, jisung would break. he was a coward for waiting, but maybe now he could tell chenle.

he arrived at his front door. the sun was setting, and chenle seemed to sense jisung's hesitation and grumbled, slipping off of jisung's back and leaning sleepily against him.

when they got inside, chenle climbed the stairs as jisung locked the door. jisung followed, seeing chenle throw himself on the bed and curl on his side, sighing heavily. jisung smiled, flopping beside him, and watching his breaths move his chest up and down. jisung played with his hair gently.

jisung fell asleep at some point, and when jisung woke up properly, chenle had his head in his lap, the sun rising steadily, throwing a orange-pink light across the room. his curtains were still open. he could see chenle's bedroom from across the street. the streetlights were on, but the sky was pink, the world quiet. his windows were open, and jisung shivered.

'jisung,' chenle muttered, lifting his head blearily, looking around, 'ah, everything is stiff...'

jisung smiled, running his hands through his hair. the time on his alarm clock read 4:35am. they hadn't eaten since the ice cream 12 hours ago. as soon as he realised this, his stomach rumbled. his mum must've seen them asleep and decided not to bother them. high emotions really could drain you, he thought.

'what time is it?' chenle's voice was low and croaky, barely a whisper. jisung found himself grinning at the older, his cheeks puffy and frowning slightly.

'it's 4am,'

'4am?'

'4am,' jisung repeated.

'oh,' silence. 'how long did we sleep for?'

'hours,'

'oh... i woke up at some point,' chenle adjusted himself so he was sat almost on jisung's lap, his legs entangled in the others, so he was leaning on jisung's chest. he fumbled for his phone, seeing a text from his mum asking if he was staying at jisung's, and another, later, saying goodnight.

chenle grumbled slightly, resting his cheek on jisung's shoulder. jisung tensed.

'lele, i've been wanting to tell you something too,'


	6. Chapter 6

chenle lifted his head up, and turned to face jisung, a grin spreading on his lips. he shook his crumpled blazer off, watching jisung squirm uncomfortably, before moving jisung's hair out of his face.

chenle was in the mood to wind jisung up. he could feel jisung knew, too, by the way his lips were pressed together in a firm line, a knowing look in his eyes.

chenle shifted further towards jisung, resting his head in the crook of jisung's neck, playing with jisung's hair slightly, shivering as jisung's breath hit his neck.

'what do you want, lele?' jisung whispered, and chenle pulled away, jisung's hands still resting on his thighs.

chenle opened and closed his mouth. he didn't know what to say. what could he say? he stayed still, realising the heavy silence in the air. birds sang through the open window. a car drove past, sending a flurry of petals from the trees outside. the curtains fluttered.

'i want you,' chenle finally muttered, staring at jisung's lips.

whatever confidence chenle had had was sapped away as jisung met his eyes, and jisung bit his lip nervously as chenle shifted slightly on his lap. suddenly chenle felt weak, turning to jelly at jisung's butterfly touches on his body.

'lele,' jisung muttered, something between a groan and a whisper. jisung threw himself forward, his hands finding their place on chenle's lower back and neck, desperately pushing their lips together, frantically. chenle was so shocked at the younger, he almost pulled away, but feeling jisung's hand entangled in his hair stopped him, and he sloppily kissed jisung back, pressing their bodies together as close as physically possible.

chenle shuffled forward, feeling jisung's hands pull at chenle's school tie and frantically unbuttoning his shirt, moving his lips to chenle's neck, moaning his name in a desperate whisper. chenle felt his cheeks burn as his vision went blurry. he mumbled jisung's name, arching his back. he was so happy. 

chenle felt like his whole world was complete. he pressed himself against jisung, so forcefully he was scared he would break him, but he didn't care, all he wanted was jisung. he'd been waiting years to show it, and now he finally had the chance.

chenle gasped, and jisung pulled away, scared he'd hurt him, but chenle was grinning dizzily. after a quick glance to check it was okay, jisung fell forward, so chenle was underneath him, squirming against the mattress before kissing chenle again, creating patterns of blues and purples on his body. it wasn't long enough before jisung pulled away, gasping a little as he rested their foreheads together. jisung grasped their hands together, pulling chenle into a hug. they didn't need to say anything. they sat together for a while, realising how quiet the world around them was.

'jisung...' chenle couldn't work out if he was groaning or speaking normally, and jisung looked at the older, a look chenle had never seen glinting in his eyes.

'i love you,' jisung whimpered, pressing his body against chenle's once more, tangling their legs and his fingers in his hair.

'i love you too,' chenle bared his neck, and jisung placed his lips to it as chenle squeaked, but they didn't move.

'do you think my mum heard?' jisung whispered, realising how loud they must've been.

'almost definitely,' chenle grinned.

'you weren't very quiet,' jisung muttered, pulling absentmindedly at chenle's hair.

'i couldn't help it,'

jisung didn't answer, feeling a wave of tiredness wash over him. he closed his eyes, shifting into a more comfortable position with chenle in his arms. chenle began softly breathing, mumbling tiredly under his breath. jisung pulled away, looking at chenle's pale chest, marked with purples, blues and golds, and kissed his collarbone once more before closing his eyes.

i love you.


End file.
